Thoughts and Pondering

It has been a weird couple of days. Although I know why. Things happened this weekend that I probably shouldn't have done. Although I don't regret anything, I wonder why I feel so incomplete? 

Maybe because it's not what I wanted and finding out is a little hard to deal with. I had a dream, too about the same person. I was so happy in the dream so is it about him that I can't let go, or the feeling? It's hard to differentiate. 

Now I'm having a hard time to find some direction. In anything, really. I've decided to try to abolish everything and I don't know if I can really do it because I'm such an emotional person. In order to avoid the pain, I think I'm willing to try a lot. 

Comparison has got me weak, unhappiness has taken a hold and I need to get my life back. 

Someone, help. 

Vent Post

No, not so much about a venti drink from Starbucks but instead about people. Why do people disrespect others so much? Maybe I'm in the wrong. Probably should not have gotten so worked up about people not being committed to something but really. You sign up for something, then you don't commit 110% and then you wonder why you suck.

But seriously though. Never in my life have I been riled up to a point where I reach hopelessness in the form of a panic attack and paralysis. Do I have to go through this? If not then why do I even bother? With people, with events, everything. It's so hard to keep concentrated and just focus on the good stuff when so much is happening.

Yeah, I'm being a little female dog about things but seriously. Where have people's manners gone? Never in my life will I go through that again. That's a promise to myself. The pain of feeling that lost is not something I want to go through a second time.

No, I'm not about to quit something I've already invested so much into. However, you can bet your bottom dollar I won't be tolerating anything anymore. They want a strict female dog? Then by god they have one.